Dear Birth Mom,
Seventeen years was a long time ago. It was seventeen years longer than I really wanted to wait to know about you and write this letter. I always fantasized about you and what you’d be like. I assumed that I had gotten my smiling eyes and looks from you, but did I look more like you or like my dad? Was my dad a good person who cared for you and tried to convince you not to leave me or did he hurt you? Did you truly want me and could not care for me or was I a last-minute afterthought? These many questions raced through my mind as I hit my formative years as a teenager. To a certain extent I blamed you for the hardship of trying to find my identity. I believed, until recently, that you are the reason for my suffering. But mom, you are not. You did what you thought was best for me, but the journey has been long and the road getting here harder.
There are only two reasons why I am writing this note, which I know you will never read. First, to tell you that I forgive you. I forgive you for the many sleepless sobbing nights where I wondered where you were, blaming you for it all. I now know that it is because we are all sinful fallen people who live in this broken world. I am so sorry for the hate, resentment and angry words or thoughts that I said when I was wrong. You did what you thought was best for me, and it was the right decision. And, ultimately, you gave me a chance at life in a country where girls are not given a chance to live just because of their gender. You chose life mom, and I will always be grateful. I was adopted into a loving two parent home with a brilliant hard-working dad and a mom who fought to save me as a baby and every day since. I have an adopted brother who I would not trade for the world and a sister who adores me, and I her. Jesus ultimately placed me into a home where He resides and is glorified, so thank you.
Secondly, I am writing this to articulate my thoughts because I have been bottling feelings for so long and needed to handwrite this for you in order to truly grieve through the immense loss of my first mother and in order to embrace my adoptive parents and Jesus, and now I can do that.
The only thing I can do for you is pray. Pray that you will find Jesus, the source of all strength and comfort. For only He can forgive you of all your sins. Please accept Him, because that is my only hope to see you again in eternity. You left me at 4 months with just half a thumb print and a name, but now I must leave you to embrace what lies ahead of me, my future with the family who finished the job that you started. I love you mom, and I always will because you gave my life, but now I pray that you will find the Life.
Love you mom,
Anonymous