Mother’s Day is one of those holidays that most people lean into. After all, what could be more appropriate and simple than honoring one’s mother? Yet many adoptees struggle with this holiday because it carries painful reminders of family lost, trauma survived, and relationships broken.
If you’re adopted and struggle with this holiday, we wanted to provide some resources in preparation.
First, it’s important for you to remember that if this holiday brings up feelings of grief, trauma, and reminders of abandonment, this isn’t unusual and you’re not alone. You may relate to this article, written by an adoptee. We shared a post earlier this year called A Letter to My Birth Mom that explores the push and pull many adoptees feel when thinking about birth parents.
Second, it’s worth thinking ahead and coming up with a flexible plan for how you’ll handle the holiday. This helps you proactively create a positive scenario, rather than simply reacting to things as they come. Think about what your day might look like, what might trigger you, what people would be most helpful or unhelpful to surround yourself with, and map out how your day might look.
Finally, we’d like to share a few thoughts with some verses to guide some reflection. Scripture gives ample voice to grief. When you read the Psalms you’ll quickly find verses written in a minor key, boldly naming injustice and asking how long pain and sorrow will last.
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul. And have sorrow in my heart all the day?
(Psalm 13:1-2a, ESV)
In Psalm 55, the writer says “my heart is in anguish…horror overwhelms me”, and then paints an evocative picture: “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest…I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.”
These are Psalms that directly speak to the pain and trauma of abandonment, and this isn’t confined only to the Psalms. We remember that Jesus is himself the suffering servant who faced every human heartache we can imagine, reaching a crescendo in his cry on the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthews 27:46). We adoptees can feel very alone when we grieve, but we can be encouraged to remember that Jesus understands our grief from the inside.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
(Hebrews 4:15-16, ESV)
Whatever Mother’s Day holds for you, remember that you are loved by God and that you are not alone. Know that fellow adoptees, all around the world, are standing alongside you as you journey through this day.