My name is Winnie (Venkatamma). I was born in India. I was in an orphanage and was about 2 years old when I was adopted by a white Jewish family. Up until about the age of 6, I didn’t understand what my adoption meant. I would tell people that I’m adopted, not knowing there was a whole meaning behind it. I was 6 years old when I understood what my adoption meant. When it happened, everything changed. It was then I realized I had a birth mother who was Indian and had given birth to me, and SHE was my mother, not my adoptive mother.
Everything switched, and I started to become obsessed with wanting to know who she was. I would always ask questions, but my parents would be very quick to change the subject. I know I can speak for a lot of adoptees when I say the trauma of being rejected by our birth parents will never go away. If you’re an adoptive parent, your number one job is to make sure that we don’t feel that rejection again. If you can’t understand that, you have no business adopting. Because I constantly experienced this, it caused me to not want to be close to my adoptive parents. It’s to the point that I don’t care if my yearning for my birth mother hurts them. I helped fill a void for my parents…they’re fine. That’s what adoption is…filling a void for the adoptive parents. No one wants to ask if we’re ok.
I always struggled with identity issues, fitting in, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I definitely feel that if I wasn’t adopted my life would be different and probably better. Adoptees are taken from everything, their culture, family, birth mother, country, and people expect us to be ok. My number one trauma growing up, and still until this day, is not knowing who my birth mother is. It’s been frustrating to know how many birthdays, holidays, graduations, and achievements of mine that she’s missed. No one understands the trauma of not knowing who gave birth to you, other than adoptees. I’m currently in the process of trying to find her, but there’s a lot holding me back from doing it.
I’m learning more about my culture that has caused me to be scared to proceed with my search. Many women in my country are affected by the dowry system, which has caused so many girls to be unwanted, abandoned, aborted, and, worst, killed. I’m definitely afraid that my mother was a victim of this. It’s also the fear of what if she has no interest. I still plan to proceed because, in the end, I need closure answers. Our trauma is ignored because people have been stuck believing that we have a better life, and most of us don’t.
I also want to share my story in the hopes that it will save a life, let adoptees know that they are not alone, and that more adoptees will share their story.
Winnie