Blog – Unfolding Adoptees

Thankful for Scars
“I am happy to say that my prayers were answered at the age of nine when my biological brother and I were adopted by two people that are now my mom and dad in every sense of the word. God delivered me to a family that never once wavered in their un- conditional love and support as they walked my painful healing journey by my side. The truth is, early trauma changes who you are. You can either let it take you, or you can decide to fight it. I was determined to fight.”
How My “Brand” of 20 THINGS Developed
“I was adopted at ten days of age for the cost of $55.98! My parents loved me, but my Dad was abusive and Mom, neglectful. At age 20, I was married to the love of my life and we had two daughters. When I anticipated their birth, I began thinking about my birth mother for the first time ever. My parents told me about her when I was very young, but I couldn’t absorb the information. They were ahead of their time in that regard.”
Thankful Always?
“Can we find the strength that we need to persevere in God alone, trusting that He will carry us through whatever 2021 and the following years have ahead of us? Sometimes I wish I could just rewind my entire life and start all over again, but again we need to remember that we are not in control. We need to instead praise God that He is in control and is with us in the circumstances and give thanks despite what has gone on in our lives.”
Zoom Community Discussion
“Tiana Hawver is an adoptee and skilled documentarian. She will lead us in a discussion about her documentary, Reconnecting the Dots.”
The Fear of Asking: Praying as an Adoptee
“Before this book, I had never connected my adoption with the way I pray. The realization hit me like a truck. Even though I intellectually know it isn’t true (and isn’t even possible), I’m afraid of being a burden to God, afraid of being an annoying little human who asks for too much and who is too obnoxious to keep around, afraid of God deciding I’m too hard to keep.”
The Power of Lament for Adoptees
“What is lament, and what does it have to offer adoptees? Lament is the recognition of injustice in the world, it’s a profound sadness that comes with seeing the impact of sin in both big and little ways. In a book titled Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, Mark Vroegop writes that, “Lament can be defined as a loud cry, a howl, or a passionate expression of grief. However, in the Bible lament is more than sorrow or talking about sadness.”
Finding My Way Back Home
“So here I am as a 38 year old mother of three, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, and cousin; lost trying to find my way back to where it all started, in the highlands of Ethiopia, where the days were marked with coffee ceremonies, holy days, family, and so much more.”
Adoptee Feature: JT Olson & Both Hands
“This new segment will consist of a few fellow adoptee’s that are making a difference and impacting lives for the better. Our first guest is JT Olson who has a remarkable story. His own personal tragedy inspired him to start an amazing organization which helps orphans and widows.”
Zoom Community Discussion
The way people talk about adoption matters. How do other people’s words and ideas impact us as adoptees? Let’s talk about it! Has someone ever said something to you about adoption that is uninformed or hurtful?Continue reading “Zoom Community Discussion”
Adoption in Light of Ephesians 1:3-6
“Though it took me a long time, once God saved me, I was able to look at my parents and my adoption with new eyes. They are the ones who raised me, loved me, and took care of me all those years, so I have gratitude to them and to God. God has done the same thing for us, in “choosing us in Him before the foundation of the world that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption to Himself as sons.””
Things Not Seen
“I thought I was pretty well adjusted. I could articulate my feelings about being adopted clearly, and I had made peace with the perpetual unanswered questions that come with being adopted. There was just one catch—my physical body didn’t agree.”
Preparing for Mother’s Day
“Mother’s Day is one of those holidays that most people lean into. After all, what could be more appropriate and simple than honoring one’s mother? Yet many adoptees struggle with this holiday because it carries painful reminders of family lost, trauma survived, and relationships broken. If you’re adopted and struggle with this holiday, we wanted to provide some resources in preparation.”
The Messy Middle
“I had picked up a copy of Stuff White People Like. I was flipping through the pages, stifling my laughter. It was spot on, and I said to Patrick, “I have to get this for Tricia.” That’s when he reminded me that neither of us is white.”
Life of an Indian Adoptee
“I definitely feel that if I wasn’t adopted my life would be different and probably better. Adoptees are taken from everything, their culture, family, birth mother, country, and people expect us to be ok. My number one trauma growing up, and still until this day, is not knowing who my birth mother is. It’s been frustrating to know how many birthdays, holidays, graduations, and achievements of mine that she’s missed.”
Zoom Community Discussion
“As adoptees, what do we want from an adoptee community? Let’s build together!”
Hope for India’s Orphans
“There is Hope. I came from the streets to become a proud, hardworking family man with the help of loved ones whom I call family. Without them I would not exist. One decision from my parents gave me a life that I am so thankful for. Imagine the impact we can make in other children’s lives if we just step out and love.”
A Space for Grief
“It still happens now. Though the phrasing is different since I’m an adult, the message is still the same: You are lucky. You are living a golden and blessed life. You couldn’t ask for anything more. In recent years, beneath my acquiescent nod and affirming smile, a new question has been churning. Where, in all of this, is the space for grief? Where, in your definition of me, is the space for me?”
A Difficult Path to a Hope Filled Future
“One of the things that I struggled with when I was first adopted was bonding with my new mom. This went on for quite a while. I bet my mom thought this would go on forever. If there was one person that I was the rudest to, it was definitely my mom. But as I look back I realize that no matter what kind of trouble I got myself into, I knew that my mom loved me no matter what.”
Nature and Nurture
“I had grown up with my adoptive mother always putting the emphasis on nurture, and this makes sense. Because as an adoptive parent, she believed that she and my father had the formative weight on their side, that they were shaping me to be the person I would become. Nature wasn’t that important, nurture was the more important dynamic. I would say that I started to question that a couple years ago. I don’t know how to say it other than that my own body, my own psyche, started to feel the presence of “nature.””
An Interview with Kelley Nikondeha
“One of the changes for me is that I do not want to be telling everybody to adopt. When I was younger, even as an earlier adult I would have told most people, “It’s a good thing, I’m going to tell you how great it is! I’m going to tell you my story, do it! Thoughtfully, yada yada, but do it!” Conversations with my brother and other people who have his story have really given me pause. I don’t tell people to rush out and adopt anymore. I encourage them to think of other ways they can enact belonging in their communities and not to think that adoption is the only way or the best way.”
Culture Shock
“There is so much more to people who are adopted than the parts that make people immediately pity them. It’s hard to figure out how to explain my story depending on the person or crowd because they already have a scenario in their head about my life which makes it challenging to tell them at all. I miss my family above all else, though I gained a new one but never will forget how my life all started. With pain and a different lifestyle in Ethiopia, I would never give up or forget the memories of my life.”
Brokenness in Adoption
“From the outside looking in, it can appear I have been sent to the most glorious summer camp. I live in the world of endless food, education, opportunity, resources, etc. But from the inside looking out, I am like a child at summer camp who is never allowed to return home — always grateful for what I have but always grieving what I have lost. The complexity of being an adoptee is feeling conflicting emotions. This is okay.”
Birthdays
“Birthdays: they happen every year. For the adoptee, this could be a celebration or it could be traumatic. I first recognized the parallel between celebration and painful trauma when I was 18 years old, turning 19, and a freshman in college. That was a pivotal year for me in shaping my identity and deciding to become a Christian (yes, God chose me). The celebration is being surrounded by friends and family for the year that I was born. The trauma is thinking about my biological mother, my birth country, and my strained relationship with my brother.”
Love and Acceptance
“Feeling loved is something that I have always wanted to feel in life. Growing up, I was told that I never smiled. I wasn’t happy. On the outside I seemed normal. I smiled when I felt like it, but on the inside I often fought back tears and struggled with the pain that I felt. I was different and I knew it. I didn’t have the same life story as all of my friends and family members, and I always wanted to be with my birth mom. I knew that I had two families. I knew them and I knew where they were and how to contact them. I felt abandoned and rejected by them. The people who should have loved me the most weren’t there.”
A Letter to My Birth Mom
“To a certain extent I blamed you for the hardship of trying to find my identity. I believed, until recently, that you are the reason for my suffering. But mom, you are not. You did what you thought was best for me, but the journey has been long and the road getting here harder.”
The Prayer of My Broken Heart
“Truth is that I have been told so often that I am loved, and worthy of so much more — that God offers me freedom and abundant life….but it feels like in this life, actions speak louder than words. The only action that I am constantly reminded of, which plays on repeat in the recesses of my mind is the fact that I was left behind. That I was abandoned.”
Kimchi and Grilled Cheese
“While food brings Korean culture closer to me, I feel part of and separate from it as an adoptee, a tension that’s evident in many small ways. For instance, I remember one of the first times I found myself in a small Korean restaurant filled with only Koreans. It was a new and strange experience to be part of the majority, to blend into a room where I looked like everyone else, where everyone was going about the normal activity of eating dinner.”
My Adoption Journey: From reunions, to struggles, to gaining a new best friend
“The day I met my birthmother in person was completely surreal. We already established a connection from many emails we exchanged before picking a date and location to meet. I was so nervous I thought I would throw-up, which was completely out of character. I think my nerves kept me from bawling when we first saw each-other and hugged.”
A White Adoptee’s Search for Her Birth Culture
“So where do you go to explore your birth family’s culture when you’re white and have a closed adoption? Honestly, I don’t know. I assume that learning about your birth family’s culture is easier if you have an open adoption (at least for getting information—I know it’s certainly not always easier emotionally).”
Love’s Chosen
“To some they may look at my story and see someone who was destined for nothing more than the orphanage had to offer. I look at my story and see God. I see the heart of our Father. A heart that pursues His beloved. I see passion. I see love.”
Twice Adopted
“It’s not the new life that my adoptive parents gave me which changed my fate but the eternal life God has given me through Jesus that changed my life from bad karma to unbelievably good eternal karma as the beloved Son of God, the Creator of the universe.”

Unfolding Adoptees provides Christian adult adoptees with an honest community in which they tell their stories to share encouragement and insight that is grounded in Biblical truth and Christlike love.